We found the Loch Ness Monster … was nowhere to be seen on our trip through Scotland

Does the Loch Ness Monster exist?

We have absolutely no idea. Here’s how our little “exploration” went. Traveling with a bunch of good-time friends through Scotland, we made the drive to the lake one cold early morning.

We’d been thoroughly enjoying Scottish castles and distilleries, learning about Islay scotch,  staying at The Newton, Charlie Chaplin’s favorite hotel in Nairn, and trying on his bowler hat, whooping it up in Glasgow, Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Inverness, and taking time to reflect on the sad history at Culloden. We loved the statue of the terrier outside Grayfriars Bobby’s Bar in Edinburgh, where the story goes that the little dog guarded his master’s grave for 14 years.

We really didn’t know what to expect at Loch Ness, a beautiful fresh-water lake extending about 23 miles. A variety of boat tours are available.

What we got was a loosely structured boat ride of about an hour with views of the beautiful Scottish landscape and Urquhart Castle and a few sheep. We also got a cash bar, which ramped things up to more fun. An onboard Nessie expert told us about the history of the monster, which is said to have been first written about in the Sixth Century.

He showed us pictures of what looked like blurry large lumps of something fleshy on the loch’s floor, which is about 755 feet deep. He theorized it could have been a dead monster, though there was no proof. He let us take pictures of his pictures and generally had a good humor about it all. The ship’s sonar turned nothing up on our trip.

I’m of a mind that actually seeing the Loch Ness Monster is a statistical improbability. BUT, we did get pictures with the monster.

That’s because the boat windows featured black monster stickers, which when posed near with a decent photographer could make it look like Nessie was just over our shoulders.

Well, of course we had great fun with this.

And then we went on to have even more great fun in Scotland.

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